JUST FOR FUN :P

Eloooo

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN? a few months :p
My major exams are over and i am currently enjoying myself looking through online stuff and put my saved money into good use :P
Still saving though.
so psyced for the holidays! Parties and vacations are all lined up.
To end all the excitement, my results will be out on Christmas eve. ruin the Christmas mood -.-
Well, will show pics from my vacation and fun times soon !

Baccccck

I GOT FRIGGIN STUNG BY A BEE AND IT HURT.
PD is dangerous :/
Just came back from PD and went straight to tuition for my exam ( IKR they are not supposed to have exams in tuition, it's like against the rules!) So Im pretty tired x)) Having another tuition exam tomorrow SIGH i wanna sleeeeeep..

OH AND I DIDN'T GO SHOPPING THIS HOLIDAY! Im so sad..

Wanted to go with a few of my best friends since we haven't been like talking much.. But then they were bankrupt and busy and stuff.. Kinda thought they didn't want to actually go.. idk SIGH
Maybe next time i guess :\

x)

PD

Well, I know that the holiday that is given this week is only for studies and I know I should've known better than to actually study but Im here with my family in dirty PD with relatives on a vacation and one of my cousins ( same age as me ) is like studying hard right now. Just looking at him makes me think : 7As min.
I know if wanted to get good results, i have to earn it but then I just don't find the interest to. And yes, I should've studied even though I don't want to and force myself to. I sincerely regret. But that doesn't fix anything right? I could ask him to borrow me something to read but I'm not really close to him. And his 'study mode' is kind of frightening. T.T

We're having a BBQ on the beach today though! Can't wait!

But then after 2 more days, Im going back and I have an exam at tuition.. wish me bravery!! x)  SIGH

PUMPED!

Oh yeaaa, OOOOHHH YYYEAAA.. My saving plan worked! Still saving though xD
Well, my trail exams are over and Im having a pop quiz week. Nice huh?  NOT REALLY.
but whatevs, I'm having a one week holiday tomorrow and Im SO exited! Whoots!
Im vacationing with cousins and im really looking forward to it! :)

I guess I haven't been touching my blog lately but I'll get active soon..;P

Had a great weekend! Lets just say that it was tiring :) lol

Have a nice day!! GOD BLESS! <3

Im So Broke

PSHH yeah. Im so broke, I can't even PAY attention xD

Exams are almost over! Last day tomorrow and Im going to ENJOY MY RELAXATION without any interruption thanks :)

Oh hey, and by the way, Im soooo over CT. What a fool i was to even include him in my life. PSH he's such a loser.

Okay, lets not ruin the mood here :D

After the exams Im going on a shopping haul!!!
WOOTS!
Just a trailer of it, maybe Imma go to Sephora or MAC. Maybe to Pavillion and Times Square to check things out too xD
And there's where my problem is, Im B.R.O.K.E.
Im like saving my butt out now for that special day of shopping. Seriously.

SO, imma try like not to eat in school and save the money instead. Maybe i'll bring chocolate biscuits instead~ Hmmmm~


Well, my life is full of sunshine now so if a cloud comes by, I'll shine to make it dry ( i just made that up LOL). A little worried about results though but hey, thats life :)

Have a great week guys! Loads of Love <3

Still Working

I know I haven't been on lately, so sorry for that.

To tell you the truth, my trail exam's next week and I'm not nervous at all. I know it's about a matter of time when I flunk everything and I'll wake up then or something, so yeah.

Oh, and I've also not been studying lately and kinda wanna rush everything now, but I'm still not doing it.

It's like theres nothing important anymore.

I got over CT. It was a matter of time I guess. I don't think about him anymore and every time I see his name on facebook, I'll be like, " psssh, loser." LOL

All in all I got over him and I just hope that he comes back and mess up my life again.

I don't know why, but I've been in alot of hair and makeup recently. I bought a straightener/curler which has like 6 features all in one and I was like soooooo exited to use it. I got a lot in nails too! Omg, when the next holiday comes, I'm going to colour block them MUAHAHAHA..

But mostly, I got this crave for beauty from the internet :P

I'm trying to find the TRESemme Thermal Creations Heat Tamer Spray. I've been searching for it at watsons and guardian but they don't have it. Watsons only have their shampoo and conditioner ( Im going to buy that too ).  I'll maybe check out some of the hair product shops when I have time, but if you ever see this spray in any shop, please leave a comment and tell me where you've seen it ( in Malaysia ), thanks!

The next thing is that I'm trying to find a place that specializes in selling China Glaze nail polish. Don't know if Sephora sells them but I'll check it out too.

So, thanks for reading and I hope to grab some time to actually study and I guess it's better to concentrate on my studies first. BUUUT, if any of you saw any of the products above at any outlets, please teeeellll meee xD

Okay imma post the pictures so you would know how it looks like :))

Study Mode

Sorry for not coming that often, i'm studying! LOOL
Trying to score in the exam >:)
Promise to come back as soon as I can after the exam :)

WISH ME LUCK! <3

I'm going to rot.

I am going to rot if i stay lazy like this. RAWR!
Time to forget about everything and focus on my PMRs! Gosh, i had a friend sleeping over and she told me she woke up at 3 am to study. I thought that was like CRAZY. Maybe I should do that too, since my knowledge of history is like blank.

I guess what they say is true, BOYS RUIN YOUR EDUCATION. Im not thinking about anything now and I'm going to focus on my studies. No relationships, no outings, no shopping, no novels ONLY textbooks!

RAWR!! YOU THINK YOU CAN BRING ME DOWN?! NO YOU CAN'T!! YOU GOT NO GUTS TO DO THAT! EAT MY DUST LOSER!! >:D









whoa.. a little evil there..

I Can't Scream.

Just like I thought, they had feelings for each other. I didn't cry. I'm all out of tears, they dried up. I didn't feel much either cause I'd expected it. Who am I to kid? It's going to happen eventually. I just didn't know I wouldn't react. Something like a firework bursts inside me, but instead of bursting beautiful colors, it's bursting a scream. But I can't scream. Don't have a place to scream. I scream inside, push everything inside.

Picturees

Sorry for da delay didn't really have time to surf blogger lately :P
Anyways, here are the pictures of my recents :)

FIRST OFF, I spent my holidays with these pretty girls right here

 at Sakae Sushi. ( I love sushi :D)

This is Iris, the crazy.

This is Audrey, the psycho

 

Thats the fun photo of Audrey and Iris's arms LOL

.

Later that tired walking, non stop karaoke day, the next big thing was my mom's birthday and guess what?

 MY DAD GOT HER A BIIIG BUNCH OF ROSES. He got a florist to send her the roses when she was at work. Later when she came home, she was like bragging about how her colleagues were being jealous of her LOL

 Later that night, we had a dinner with relatives which was quite fun, and guess what?

 She got another bunch of flowers. I was like WHAAAAT?! 

Next big thing was when our family went for a vacation at Cherating, Kuantan.

Its was near a beach, so yeah, it was a lot of fun :D

And because we had a beach nearby, THEY HAD FRIIGIN TURTLES AND THEY WERE SHOOO CUTE :DDDDDD

This one was only a day old, aint it cute?

These are seeds from a tree. My mom told me when she was a kid they used to play these things or smth..

And the best part of all, THIS IS THE DELICIOUS COCONUT JELLY

It was awesome. Really really awesome. Great treat for a hot day~

NOW this was mama turtle, ain't she big? She was coming up shore to lay eggs! :D

They were against flashing, but thanks to my speedy photography skills, a dude accidentally pressed flash and guess what? between that 1.6 seconds i got it. Ain't i awesome??

the eggs though were like ping pong balls, everyone was wanting to touch it

crazy hands. pshhhh.. I TOUCHED IT TOOOOOOOO! :P

After a few days was my cousin's wedding, went for the morning ceremony and the night dinner

 

-Morning-

-Night-

Well, thats all for today, see you reaaaal sooon! ( I sound like those childish cartoon shows -.-)

Byees

IM BACKK

Well, back from holidays at Kuantan. IT WAS AWESHOME! Got to see fireflies and hold them in my hands. It was reaaally magical.. A small life in your hands. Small but yet so wonderful, able to glow so brightly. I really admire them :) I love lights. Thousands ans millions of lights shining and glimmering in the dark sky, amazingg.. I wish to see a whole world of lights someday :))

Well, then we also saw a turtle lay eggs on the beach around 11 something.. and there it was laying eggs. We even got to touch the eggs, its like a ping pong ball and its like reaaaly fragile, so yeah.. I took some pictures too! Will upload them later :D

Holidays NOW

Holidays has already started and I'M LOVIN' IT!
Organized everything, now I'm just left to enjoy it. I know I should be studying and stuff but, ROAR i don't want to. Anyways, these two weeks are packed for me~ Hope nothing goes wrong!
Having fun back in Maplesea! Well, I'm a maple fan i can tell you that~ Been t my holiday all about private servers for the past few years, but now I'm back to the first ever Maplesea that started my addiction ;D
I'm re-creating a character and starting over from scratch so yeaa..


Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but my holiday awaits. <3!

Jogathon

It was the jogathon today, and it was really bad T.T
Well, first of all, it started to rain, and then it started to pour, then it was clear, but then it poured again.
The path for the jogathon was filled with soaked runners and teachers at checkpoints trying not to get wet by squeezing together in small umbrellas.
To top that off, my pants got torn -.- so much for good quality.
After that we went back to school, everyone was soaked and covered with leaves and dirt.
The 4.5 km jog was rewarded with a snicker bar and a bottle of tea. Nice.
Next, we gathered in the hall and the prize giving ceremony began. To tell you the truth, the only reason I was there is only for the prize giving ceremony. I donated like 432 bucks . The grand prize was a laptop, my target of course. Soon it was the time to give out the grand prize ( it was supposed to be a Ipad 2, but you have to donate at least 5000. No one was even close to a thousand let alone that, so lets not talk about that at the moment.), the acer aspire laptop, its not much but I wanted one so what the hay xD. Guess who got it? NOT ME. It was my friend who sat beside me LIM YONG WEI ( if you're seeing this, ROAR!). Slapped her hard when they announced her name xD
Not totally upset by the way, this time I can beg my dad to buy me an Apple laptop instead, whooo~~
-whole day of bad luck-


Well, holidays have started. It's gunna be reaaaaaally busy :D

Holiday again

Having a 2 week holiday after the Jogathon tomorrow!! LOOKING FOR FRIENDS TO HANG OUT WITH!!
I don't care if my results are suckish, ITS HOLIDAY TIME AND THAT BEATS EVERYTHING. we'll see if i study(don't count on it)

:D STILL HAPPY           Isn't this cuteee?  vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Bad News

My results ARE BAD. as in REALLY BAD.. I'm going to be last in class.. I bet my phone I would. I'm serious. My percentage is only 59. The usual C class percentage is 63 and above. I'm such a disgrace to the former C class students :(


REALLY BUMMED

Results

Some of them are out..
not really satisfying though, thought that i could do better.. ROAR STUDAY!

Science   - 72% B (oh yeah~ 3 marks to A)
Maths   - 58%  C
BM   - 49% D   :(
Chinese  - 62% C (3 marks to B maaan!!)
KH   - 47% D         ( I FRIGGIN PASSED)
Sejarah [history]   - 42% D




TARGET : UN ACHIEVED.

YAY

Exams overr, yaaaaay! :D
Got my Science results already.. I GOT A B, three marks to A      YAY !!
Super Duper happy xDDD
Just hoping that  i'll have the same luck with the other papers
Im having a two-week holiday next month, going to lots of places having a wedding to attend, a trip to Terengganu and going out with friends :D
busy busy busy, but still havta focus on mah resultss JY!

Today is a swifty day xxx

WHOO, had geography + science today.

Had quite a fun time doing geography. dunno why xD
All the questions came out easyy, and best of all, there are only a few questions that I had trouble with. Crossing my fingers for an A

Well, science was okay i guess, maybe a B or a C? naaaah, don't really careee~~

-In a great mood-

tomorrow we'll have Moral and KH, whoo.. KH, imma fail you again :D

._.

same old same old, History sucked today, English did too.. Im not so keen on my targets now.. maybe I should set it lower? SIGH T.T

Waiting for doomsday tomorrow = Geography & Science.

:(

REPORT!

BM exam two days ago was horrible! The whole form was searching for tips and they were gunna grab it if they have any news, including me. To cut the long story short, all the tips they got were false, I only study them, so yeah, im pretty sure im going to flunk it.
Today was Maths, I HATE MATHS. Didn't had enough time to do paper 1 so i simply circled, I know im going to flunk it too.. Paper 2 hadn't been much help either, I just gone blank in there and the questions to me were soo complicated, repeat, I HATE MATHS.

Ughh.. I don't know how to go through this.. Tomorrow's Geography and English, hope that I can keep myself together =\

SIGH. :(

WHOO!!

FIRST TEST TODAY  :CHINESE.

Well, since I'm English educated and all, I'm not much of a Chinese language lover. In the matter of fact, I HATE IT! Even though yea, I'm Chinese, but I'm just not fond of it. Just so you know, how bad I am in that language is that everytime an exam comes, I don't aim for an A or a B, I aim for me to pass. xD
But the weird thing is, if it's a Chinese essay, then the situation is different. I LOVE writing Chinese essays. Yeah, even though I can't write like those pros with deep words and fancy stuff, i write mine, mine. As in, I don't write it to impress, I just write it for myself, show what i'm capable of to myself. That's how I got an A on Chinese Writing Essay when i was 12 and 2 certificates last year and this year for the school's Chinese essay writing campaign thingy.

Just so you know, I am not good in Chinese, even though I can speak the language fluently, those subjective questions they come out on exams can kill me in a snap.

BUT NOT TODAY!!HAHAHAAHHAAH!

Well, it was any typical Chinese exam day where i would just moan and try to die. The first one was the essay writing one and i guess you could say i did normal ( usually i get all nervous and start writing crap ) . Then it was lunch break. I was supposed to tutor my friend Geography but we ended up her not bringing her books. I was holding my Chinese revision books not actually really going to study, it's just for show how a hardworking girl I am xD. LOLOL. So I was like what the hay, since my forgetful friend here is a pro in Chinese, I asked her to go through it with me. I asked her to help me get the part of the exam paper where they give a passage of words, but there's a catch, every word has a meaning of something else. So yeah, it was the toughest one. We went through a few passages like one about swan poop( iknowright =.= ) and another one about thieves were defeated by a dog and a woman.
  So when it was exam 2 ( the subjective questions one ) time, went in the class and the tension began to burn in me. I prayed and I opened the question paper which blinded me with words I ever so bitterly hate. so far so good as im going through and answering the questions carefully thinking loudly i only request for a pass. UNTIL THEN! the part of the paper which we had to read the passage thing AND THERE IT WAS! THE SWAN POOP QUESTION IS RIGHT THERE. I was like WHHAAAAAAAAADD?! GOSH, IS THIS SERIOUS?! And I was like literally laughing in the middle of the exam. I calmed myself down and swiftly answer the questions that i understand really well which were well taught to me [shoutout : THANKS SOOK YEN I LOVEE YOU!].
  There were a few questions that puzzled me as always and a few I recall from the year before. All in all, I DONT CARE. IM FREAKING SURE THAT IM GOING TO PASS AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS!!
  Haven't told my parents yet though, will SHOUT it to them the moment i see them.


  I felt that it wasn't all just so simple, I really prayed for it to come out easier, so yeah, i have to give GOD the credit! YOU ROCK GOD!!!xDDDDD THANKS FOR BEING WITH ME! 

Oh and BTW, for all you blogwalkers that wished me luck, THANKS A WHOLE LOT!! :D I REAAAALLY APPRECIATED IT!! And I wish you guys luck the same if you're having an exam too! GOD BLESS! <3

Work Mode

Exams are next week, gotta study harrrd!
Got to admit, its my Pmr this year, and im still slacking around, Im succccch a loser D:
Oh and today while i was having my oral test, something bad happened -- MY FILE GOT LOST.
Great. So teachers are helping me to remake it or something but my marks from the past two years... im not sure what they'll do exactly..T.T

Just pray to God that laziness doesn't overcome me, and i'll still be able to pass my exams..
WISH ME LUCK!



Target
BM-B                
BI-A
SC-B
MT-B
GEO-B
SEJ-B
KH-PASS
BC-PASS


A-75
B-65 ( I THINK )
C-40
D/FAIL-UNDER 40 

yeah, so im almost aiming all on Bs, but i KNOW i'll get thousands of Cs.
Exams starts on the 6th of May. After my exams i'll come back with my results and see how bad am I    :T

YESTERDAY

Saw CT [the guy from before, refer to two post before this one] yesterday. I thought I'd smile. I did. I guess he ignored it. He just turn and walked passed me. I swore he saw it. I sank for a couple of seconds and then realizing that im still standing on the same place looking blank. I walked the other way. I wanted to be away, from the cold. The cold of the night and the cold from him.
Sigh. I thought I got over him, but why do I still feel that tight twitch inside of me?
When will it just go away?..

LALALA

Well, friends don't always see eye to eyes, but nothing beats forgiveness. When the situation gets long, you just think back and get over it. There's so many other things in the world, why frustrate on something? it's going to hold you back anyways. So yeah, im not mad anymore, don't ask me the reasons, i really don't wanna talk about it. Just being the way it is is good enough, just think as this never happened okay?

Busaaaaaaay

Whhhaaat a busaaaay yearr..
It's just April and my limbs are starting to tangle up T_T
Even so, I still want to go out with my friends, not forgetting SHOPPING!
Any sponsers?? xD

Well, CF's Evangelitic Ralley is coming up next week, UBER exicited :D
Then in 2 more weeks from today, it's exam week.. Gotta start revising!
On the last day of the month, dance ministry is having an outing to somewhereiforgot:P

I need moree fuel to go through all this ! xD

Oh.. and I met him yesterday, no not Lucas, its --- ---- [did I ever tell you his name? o.o lets name him CT], you know the one before Lucas came back.

Well, he's with her [obviously] again,  did'nt look him in the eyes, cause if I do, i know i'll fall back into his trap. Long story short, he tried to touch my face. Right when he remembered what he was going to do, he pulled his hand back. It made me crazy for a little while, thinking if he still feels it. But then she was beside him. And I thought, it's just a mistake. Who in the right mind would want me?

His eyes are my weaknesses, don't know if he does but I'm glad he doesn't. I mean, it's the best for all of us..

NOT UPSET BTW :)

Hmmmmmmmm~

Three words.                         I'M GETTING OOLDDD!!      
All the things i've forgot to bring to school today :
-- My pencil case
-- My homework
-- Water color ( teacher called us to bring )
-- My exercise book
-- And apparently, my brains.

Things that I forgot now :
-- My homework I need to do
-- What I have to bring for school tomorrow
-- The oral test I need to prepare
-- My homework for tuition
-- Both of them :)

Well, being forgetful ain't all that bad, theres an advantage to it. You get that epicness when you remember what you forgot, so yeah, it's kinda fun. But what I do hate about it, is people who use my forgetfulness to blame something on me I didn't do.

Hey, I know Im forgetful but Im not dumb. If it's something I really done, it will lightbulb me when you remind me. if the lightbulb remains off, I know you're lying.

Dont take advantage of my forgetfulness!! T.T [especially you Dorkman]

. . .

I wanna talk to you so bad and yet I wouldn't want you to feel I'm like annoying. I try to talk but I think I'm trying too hard. You're being so cold.. like he did.. I knew it, I'm going through this all over again.. I asked you how long have we been apart, you said 6 months. 6 months, is it really? Did I forget or did I just didn't want to remember ? I just realized I'm a horrible person.

I wanna talk to you but I don't want you to be annoyed. You started the conversation and yet you have me bursting my mind to think of things to talk to you. Everytime I stopped for you to have a reply, on average counts, its one minute. I remembered last time your replies were like lightning fast, and I was like, you're crazy. But now? your replies are like, slow, really slow..Sigh.

Can't blame anyone can I? I really don't understand guys, not at all. Guess that when they get different, they change totally. Like seriously. Like both of them, just seeing them going up and out, it's really hard. To know that the memories will not be memories anymore, that they'll be lost in sea, sailing into someone else's heart.

Now its like i wrote a thousand love songs from my heart, and when i sing it to you, you just laughed and laughed and laughed. I'm not that person anymore. Not the one you care for anymore. And definitely not the one you love anymore. It's like deja vu. I'm reliving everything.

The cold first, then the lack of interest, then the avoidance, then the parting, then the part when I watch you live your life and the tears all in between. The coldness has started. Wonder how long will it take for me to get over this one.. It took me 3 months to forget the previous one, how long will it take this time? =\
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I know Im a sucker for shoving all these nonesense to you , so i'll PROMISE i'll write a happy post next time =)          

-EMILY OUT-

W E L L . . .

well.. I don't know where is this going. Lucas is not the Lucas I knew, or should I say the one I thought I knew. He's not like last time, always chatting, always funny, he's like, in a silent mode. To me, only me. Maybe he's giving me the silent treatment or something cause in the conversations [only 2], he spoke only less than 8 sentences.
Him coming back is an unexpected surprise. Maybe it has something to do with the way I felt 'him'[the other one] growing up and leaving me that I think him[Lucas] coming back is going to have me re-live that. Maybe there's something I did wrong the last time that something made Lucas come back to make me make it right. I have a feeling, a gut feeling. They say always trust your gut, but hey, this is a different situation, maybe it could be wrong.
Don't know about anything now but I'm still okay though, no tears, no sadness, just anticipation. To what will happen next.
I guess I'm just living life as it goes, to let it take me to wherever it wants me to be going. My life is in God's hands right? I'll just go with the flow.

Someone.

He's back. Lucas' back. Am I supposed to be sad or angry for how he just opened the exit door and slammed my face? Am I supposed to be mad at him for just bringing me around the world and leave me in a foreign place while he goes back home?

Im not. I was happy, in fact, I was soooo happy that I almost cried.. He forgave me. He's still the one I trust. Still the one I loved.. I don't know if he knows but ever since he left, I cried a few times. More than the usual. I started writing notes to God for Him to protect him, to keep him safe, to be happy and continue living his life without my presence. I thought that if I'd left him too, he'd have a better life. I don't know if he did but now, he's back.

How long has it been? We parted at December. I remember so deeply, how much pain you felt, how you felt being lied to by me, how your fragile heart broke, how much I wanted to pick up the pieces. You done everything and made sure you didn't leave a trace of me with you. Your silence made me shout.

Here you are again, only just now you were back. I can't tell anyone just so suddenly and say, 'hey, he's back.' Just maybe they'll slowly see this. You just came out of nowhere. And there I was, just staring, tears dripping.

All should be back to normal but.. He's different.. Like the one I'm trying to forget now, he's changed. He's not that kiddy sportsy guy that loves to fool around anymore. He's not the guy who always talk a lot, just to have a conversation with me. He's not the guy that I tell my worries to anymore. And I think I'm going to go through the process again. When someone you love grows up and grows out of you, what do you do? Do I really have to go through the whole entire process again and just cry in the end cause I've lost someone I really loved again?

When would this routine end? Tell me when would it stop and just let everything go back to normal? Why does all these things keep repeating? Or have I just not learned a lesson from the first one that I have to re-live it again? I don't know. I really don't know anymore. I'm facing this all over again. I'm going to have my heart broken once again and I don't think I'll have the energy to even pick up my own shattered heart.

I just have a feeling that this will all happen once again. No one's going to be the same, everyone has to grow, and go.. Eventhough I'm not sure right now how to handle this akward situation between us , I mean we're not talking like we used to, I just hope that this ice thinned bond that's still left will not shatter.. That the string of memories will not break and soar with the wind.

If only everything could be just the way it used to be. If only time could stop. If only I'd made the right decisions. If only i didn't loved.

When we were apart, I heard a song from my favorite artist [ Taylor Swift ! xD] that meant so much to me. They say that the song was nice, very touching and all. Lucas and I parted in December. And I really regretted everything that I've done to hurt him. I love this song so much not just because it's really touching and sad, it's because the song had all the feelings I had, all the regrets I felt, all the exact things were written in that song. That's why I loved it so much. The first time I heard the song, it made me cry so hard, that I cried to sleep. Because it reminded me of him. If only I could turn back time, If only I could change everything. If only I can go back to December..

x)..

 ' Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to '
I read this online the other day and it really just wow-ed me. Then I thought, what if that someone hasn't even know that someone already gave him the power? What if that someone doesn't even have a clue that someone already planted their trust in them?

Then I thought again, how can he know?

I'm not sure if he knows. But something just tells me that he does. He did. And maybe he didn't want it. Or just maybe that he's trapped in the same way I am. No.. Why would he?..

I was sleeping at school today. Before I went to slumberland, I thought of him. Or i dreamt of him. Something like that, I don't remember. I 'saw' him coming into my class to call me out. He brought me down and asked me to help him get a gift for her. Then I woke up. Then I slept again. The same 'dream/thought' happened again, and I woke up again. It happened again. And altogether it happened 3 times. [ Yeah, teacher wasn't in. Sleeping is a great time-killer so yeah xP]

When I woke. I didn't want to sleep anymore. It's either cause my common sense kicked in and I remembered he's not from my school, or I just didn't want to see that joy in his face For Her. I'm selfish. Yeah I know. I should live as a fishmonger the rest of my life. But it just brought me that prickly feeling deep down. I felt like I was nothing but an obstacle that he has to pass, and live happily ever after. Not knowing that he's also an obstacle I have to pass but leaving me head- down in the dust.

He entered my life without notice, I noticed him not soon enough. He left with a grand farewell, leaving me to clean up the mess. Guess that's what I get?

I can't look him in the eye. The reason why I walk pass him, the reason why I ignore/ care-less is because I can't look him in the eye. I can't help the tears trying to burst out. I can't help looking through those beautiful eyes, knowing that those were the eyes I was hypnotized with, those were the eyes that brought me warmth. I can't help looking at those eyes and suddenly realizing that someone hypnotized it instead, that that warmth was from someone else's living.

He's changed. Maybe it's a sign for me that I have to change too. To organize my life better. To look out the window and see a new horizon. I got champion for my school's spelling bee competition for my grade. Maybe that's a start. That some fights are meant to fail, and some are meant to succeed.  My life is in God's hands. He's going to plan everything for me.

Sigh. I reaaaaaally hope that things would go right. No more thinking of the past memories but inventing new ones on the way.Maybe someday I could be free from his spell, and finally I could go free again.
Besides, schools that came in for badminton competition these past days has a lot of hot guys xD

LOL. Wish me luck !

Sigh...

Just off tuition. Actually my mood was great. Chatting with friends, laughing and simply just fooling around was a great start, and a great end i guess.. I came down the stairs and I felt him. Without seeing him I could just feel him, standing there. I froze, my body just shivered, and I continue my way. I came down, and acting i didn't notice him, i just turn the other way. My friend was talking to her. His her. I followed. 

Everytime I always wanted my dad to pick me up late, just so I could see him a few moments more. But at that time, I wanted to leave so badly. I looked around and there he was, my life saver, my dad. xD

I went straight, got into the car and left. I stare at the empty place that he stood and drove away.

Just feeling a little sad and depressed. Suddenly reminded af all the things that happened,  all the memories, both good and bad. All clashed up like that, it's not easy to take. 

Sigh.. I just want to have a break. A break from all of this. A break of all of him..

Thank You :D

Just wanna take this opportunity to thank the grrrreeeeaaaaat anddd awwwwweesooomeee AUDREY for helping me re-decorate my blog :D THAAANKKSSS !

My blog went kinda psycho and all the posts were not visible [dk why], so i stopped posting as well. Not quite a good decision since theres some stuffs going on. But the past is the past! xD..

Ahem.. moving on..


Really wanna thank Audrey for doing all the work =P [i promise i'll buy you ice cream]
Thank you Thank you girlll!! You're awesome xD

I W O N D E R . . .

HIM. Gosh.. I told myself NOT to think about him when I was on vacation, and I didn't stick to it.. I'm such a sucker.. I heard this song from my friend and I started thinking about him.. Those words were the exact feelings I felt, it related to me soo much.. i don't know what will come out of this. This longing. Knowing it would never come true. Anyways, I hope you could relate to this song if you're facing the same problem as I am. just remember, I am feeling the same way too.

HOLIDAYS

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS!! Just came back from holidays at Langkawi!! WHEE!! It was rreeeaaaally fun! Together with Audrey, Iris and our brothers, WE OWNED THE PLACE xD

loook at the picchaaass xD

MY time

Whhheewww!! Just came back from an awesome trip to times square with Yong Wei. LOVED it!
Omgosh, everything was there, whatever you want, name it, its there. We went physco shopping ( well, i had ) and just hang around.. My 200 bucks just flew away.. Sobs D:
ANYWAYS, reaaaally had a great time! Thanks Yong Wei!

LASTLY, thanks to dear Yong Wei, we took the wrong train and had to wait in another one for 14 stations before we could reach our destination. TIRED!

It was crazy, hectic, great and fun :D

We only have one week of holidays and today was the first! Few more days to go and im off to the beach! Will take pictures!! ;D
Weeewwt! Can't wait! xD

Forget you

Lately I've been trying to forget you.. To forget everything's that happened..
But then I just ask myself this question, ' do I really love him?'. My answer was, 'I'm not sure.' Is really missing you or just think about you at night, or simply just dreaming of you defined as love? Im not sure either.
The thing is that I learnt that I've grown up as you did, but I just haven't grown out of you. I realised that I don't know you at all, I realised that, I fell in 'love' with a guy I barely know. I fell in 'love' with a guy that has his own life that I wasn't important there, I mean, why would I be? I was selfish to want to grab hold of you and not letting go. I was selfish to want you. Not realising that you have your own school life, your own social life, and your own family life, and I only saw you in our tuition life, I only saw you in the life that I had a part, even the tiniest part, I was in it; I was that selfish.

I don't think you knew how I felt, I don't think you even remember my existance. I don't think you know how much painful tears scar their way down my cheeck. I don't think you'll know how bazare it was when I see people that resemble to you and stare at them. I don't think you'll know how sorrowful i felt when I had to lie to you. I don't think you'll know how I push my tears back when you talk to me. I don't think you know how hard it is to look you in the eyes right now. I don't think you'll ever see me as the happy-go-lucky type because you already destroyed it.

But, I also don't think you know how much happiness I feel when I hear your footsteps coming closer, even though they just pass. I don't think you know how you got me sailing in the deepest eyes of yours. I don't think you know how I remember what time your classes start and you'll always be late. I don't think you remember how you held my hand and I just totally burned. I don't think when you put your arms around me I wished you'd never let it down. I don't think you'll know how it feels like standing by your side. I don't think you know when you complain about yourself, you're perfect to me. I don't think you realise how broken I was when I see you with her.

And most importantly, I don't think that you'll ever know, cause I'm never telling. Why? people might ask. Well, it's just that i don't want to ruin your life, to confuse you in the slightest way, to regret, to want to forget.

Sometimes, I just don't want to have strength to love, I just want strength to let go.
Sometimes, it's vice versa.

To me, day dreaming is a very important activity in my life, beacuse i get to think of you.
When others ask for my hobby, usually, I'll say computer, reading, badminton and stuff. But seriously, my hobby is lying around doing absolutely nothing. It's not wasting my life away, it's just time I need to recall what had happened in the past few days and how God helped me go through. I don't know how many of you who are reading this is a Christian, but I can tell you one thing. God provides. He provides me with food, water, shelter, parents, siblings, friends, loved ones, and challenges to strenghten me like this one.

I wish I could be much much stronger in future, to really forget. To really let go. And maybe he'll realise it, but until then, I'm going to try to erase my memory with him.

Friends

Friends.. I can't live without them..
There was a time when all the drama happened.. I cried alot.. I dream and I imagine.. I kept everything inside because I couldn't rely or trust anyone here.. They'd tell.. Besides, they care less than why you're upset, they are more interested for you to end your sad sad story and begin to tell theirs because you listen. You help. You care. You're trusted, but they're not.
Just so you know, keeping all these secrets and fears inside is kind of suffocating.. You think that you can handle it all by yourself, you can overcome it, you can forget and forgive. Problem is, you can't. And before you know it, the situation aggravates.

Recently, i found a true friend. Someone who keeps all my secrets and im not shy to tell her. She's someone who's kind-hearted, funny and most importantly, a great friend. Everytime im at her house, i feel so much better, knowing that someone on earth actually cared. Im not saying that others don't, Im just saying that others rather not.

Maybe they say that they don't know anything that's going on because i never told them. Maybe thats true. But bear in mind, I couldn't tell them because of what they do, not what they are.

Im really lucky to have friends as great as the world. Even if i don't tell you my secrets, you respect that instead of giving me 'the rolling eyes' like someone i know. Note, maybe there's something inside your eyeball that's mutated or something, but to anyone who does that, you look hideous doing it, Im serious.


Wanna see alot of movies.. Can't find time though.. Maybe in the holiday next week? Can't wait!! xD

WOOO

I <3 this day !

NO SADNESS, NO CONFUSION, NO ARGUMENTS, AND NO FIGHTS!

Whooo... Been waiting for this day  for a very long time.. 

I've had enough of those dark days, finally some light !!

THANKYOU! :D

Even if something bad happens at tuition later, if its not HUGE, i'll still be thankful for this day.

-MARCH1 -

WhhhOOO!~

Tomorrow's March 2nd, My younger bro's birthday, he's turning 13 and i'll have to buy a prezzie for him..

I do't have time, but, well lets hope i could persuade my parents to go to the mall to get something for him..

We fight but well, he's my bro, I love himmm! x)

Wish me luck ! ;D

@

These few days had been confusing.. Im blanking out most of the time.. It's like my soul is no longer mine, just a shell waiting to break..
I wish there was a change. Something to bring me back to life. Instead of sadness, sorrow, and confusion, i want it to be joy, love, and truth.
Sigh.. I only i could find a way out of this.. I want to be how i used to be, full of life.. now im just completely empty.. :\

Blllooooperss whee

Little sad of my results.. Didn't go as well as i was hoping.. well, thats what i get for slacking xD
Ahhhh.. im a little tired nowadays.. always wanting to sleep..
the greatest dicision i make everyday is to get out of bed.. makes me sad thoo..
haaaaaaaa.. niam niam....
tution later.. again.. as always..
the same old routine again.. as always..
I WANT TO HAVE A CHANGE IN LIFE!!

hmm.. wonder how's he doing way over there.. my liddle bro..
and i wonder how's his life is running.. just few minutes after me.. my biggy liddy bro..
THEY BOTH ARE 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLES!!

don't worry i won't tell you who they are =D
I'll tell you next time.. maybe..x)

CHEATERS

Exams are over. Yay -.-

I AM TOTTALLYYY PISSED RIGHT NOW!!
EVERYONE was cheating by borrowing the exam papers from students that have already finished their exams  memorize the answers!!
WHAT?!
Both yesterday and today the whole class was like piling on the paper trying to get a peek at it which everyone equally did, except me.
I didn't have interest in cheating but apparently most of the F3s did not agree.
Even my friends went to kill for the answers.
And that made me even more angrier.
   Yesterday, They were discussing the answers right in front of me i tell you if i didn't make right with God that time im gunna hit them so hard they're gunna cause the whole hospital in havoc.
   Today, they did the same thing and apparently when i was asking my friend for tips, she almost told me the whole paper. -.- PLUS they were checking out the answers and memorizing them again. Of of them was a Christian like me. Let's call her LL. She was telling me how bad she felt when she cheated yesterday but right after another classmate said that he had the answers, she fled there faster than lighting.
I KNOW. CRAZY.

         Im driving myself nuts because now everyone's going to have flying colours and im going to be the last one in class. Well, at least im not a cheater.




GODDDDD HELP MMEEE!!

My Recents.

well.. On the day i took my KH test, right after that the teacher took out the answers and discuss with us on the spot, minutes after handing in the paper. Guess what? I FAILED. Yeah i flunked it. -.-
well cause im not on the top 3rd class and all my classmates are smart. Literally. But i didn't expect me to went that low though.. There were 60 questions, i only got 20 correct. Awesome huh? Don't learn from me.
  Actually the main purpose of this situation is just that, i simply dislike KH. No offense but i think it's just too complicating that you have to remember this and remember that. It's even more brain tiring than Science. But i did well in all my other exams, but i cant slack just yet. Im in another class now. My result (that i think that's better than all my results for the pass 14 years.) now is their average result every single exam in their lives. It's frightning.
  The challenge here is seriously scary.. I just hope i can make it till the final months..

Awww isnt this swwwweeeet? =D

I LOVE RED RECENTLY

EXAMS

F3 sucks.  To me, the best part of exams are when you are done with the paper, you get to sleep.
Even though its not allowed, but who cares,  do NOT disturb me and my slumber =D

Im so desperate for fun now.. Im sooooo overly dosed with exam medicine im going to pass out.

Hope for the best!! Gambatee

Freaking Febuary

IM SICK.
Cartilage was swollen.. was absent in school for 2 days, but instead of having fun i slept the whole entire two days -.-

LATER
after the two days, i fet alot better :)
NOT!   after the pain wore off, there came the tummy discomfort
I had to wake up 2 times at night and sweat myself to sleep again.. :(
TOMMOROW
I have tuition. :( for   [ please scroll down to the next paragraph ]

NEXT WEEK
I have an exam. Its next week. Its on monday. ITS ON VALENTINES DAY !! nuuuuuuu T.T
so sad.. can't have anytime alone..... sobs..

AAAHHH.. what a FREAKING FEBUARY!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

New Years Over.. :(Now im waiting for the PMR intervensi.. Hope to pass everything, especially BC.. My weakness xD Was ssooo sleepy today.. Wanted to sleep but tak boleh.. Sad sia..Tuition is starting, school's started, exams coming, my life is going T^T

P.s.    > Looking for tutors to tutor me on every subject possible :D          > Age is not a matter [i know theres 5 year old who can be smarter than me]          

BYES !!!!

NUUUU

I was having fun, very happy , playing around, looking here and there and THEN ..

UTTER HUMILIATION T^T

goshh im in tearrrrs T^T -SOBBING IRONICALLY -

please let that _______ be removed. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
omg my reputation T^T^T^T^T^T^T^T^T


-dies-

MV

My goshh.. I love Gardens Cafe. Its sooo pretty and romantic with everything white and elegant.

Goshhhhh.. Every one they open, there's sure a piano there, and in MV its a SPARKLY piano in a GIANT cage. Preedy no?


Go there someday! Food's reasonable and yummy!!~ xDD
Looking forward to go there again~~~

CNY

AHAHAHHA CNY IS COMING AND SCHOOL'S OUT!! 

-overflowing joy-

HEYOOOOOO!!

Ahhhhhhhhhh... NEW YEAR IS COMING MAN!.. I can't go visiting though.. Cause of personal reasons xD

Gah.. Can't spoil the fun for you guys even mine is right? Hope you guys can enjoy you chinese new year, and don't grow fat xD

 HAPPY NEW YEAR!! AND.. share with me some ang paus la..kesian la..

The things you'll never know.

   You changed sooooo much.. You're a brother of mine that i secretly admire. You're not a study person, you're a sports person. You were taller than me, now you're WAY taller. Your ever present warmth is getting cold. Your loving kindness is fading. You used to wait for me when I'm staying. You used to wait for me until i get in the car and disappear in the crowd of other cars. You used to hold my hand, and your cheeks will flash pretty pink. You used to knock into me and put your arm over my shoulder. You used to smile so sweetly at me when i come down. You walk to me and try to come out with a subject to say and we always end up in silence, you beside me, enjoying it together. You used to care for me. You used to love me. 
   Don't know if you'll ever know that i felt the same way. I don't think you ever will. As your hormones change you, you changed completely with it. Your warm eyes, turned ice cold. You kept your distance. You went before I ever came down. You mixed without noticing me. Every single time i came down and saw you, you looked at me like i was someone you knew and looked away, like someone you didn't care much about. Every time our eyes catch, you and i both started to look away, knowing that everything we have is fading. 
   You'll never know how deeply your sword pierced into my heart. You'll never feel how your frozen fire arrows shot me. You'll never understand what it feels like losing someone you love, let alone knowing that you're going to lose them. You'll never know how your kindness or sympathy or whatever you call it came like a wave and melt my heart, and taking it away with it. You'll never  ever ever understand, to feel, to know, that someone you love is leaving you.
   You can never fathom how much you broke me, how much you tore me into pieces and throw me up in the sky as i fall like confetti. I guess i should have read the signs, the signs others were throwing , the signs i saw, the sign i almost heard. But instead i threw them in a corner, being naive and not believing it. I write notes to God to tell him about you, to ask him what to do, to seek for advice. Yes, you're that important to me that i have to report to God about you. 
   Maybe you cared but maybe you did not. Maybe you loved and found out you couldn't. Maybe you lied to tell the truth. Maybe you just never felt it like i always felt around you. Now every time i see you, I try my best to push my tears right back up. Now every time i see you my heart aches so much i can't talk to you anymore. I'm so..so afraid of breaking in front of you, which will end our weak friendship even faster. I try to stop tearing in the dark night, praying that i won't lose you. Asking us to be like before, not wanting to go further. Friends is enough. Just friends.. 
   I don't want to lose you, as a friend or as someone I love. I just don't want you to leave us behind. I don't care if i have to be the only one who takes in the pain. I want you here. To always be here. 
   Like you said, I'm you younger older sister, you're my older younger brother. Just remain it that way. Just let it freeze there with your coldness now. And hope that i won't melt it away.     
    
Love you always.

LIAR.

I can only say that you're selfish and a liar. -.-

The Past.

Something made me clicked on you.. Wondering what they said were true.. I didn't. I was too scared to see that that was really you. Even though it's easy to confirm it was you, i didn't want to. I didn't want to remind myself who you were and what you said. I clicked on Febuary2009 and i went back there again. I've never came here reasoned i never had interest in these. Now i have, and so i do. I read it. Over and over and over again. All those you were saying, you were implying, was me. I'd never know you loved me so much. I'd never know you loved me that much. I made a vow not to fall in love because it always end up breaking. I saw the words. You knew what would happen. You knew we would never last. And yet you stayed. You kept that moment. You cherished it. You held it ever so tightly in your hands, afraid of losing it. Afraid that the day you Will lose will come. And all i did was the written opposite. A story loses something of each telling. Our story was told once. And it was gone. I now understand how disappointed you were. I now feel how broken it was for you. You kept telling me you love me. And my reply was always 'yeah la'. As if i was annoyed. I wasn't. Every time you said that, you can never see how i melt. In the matter of absolute fact, you could never see me. I acted naive as it was my first relationship. Me on the first roller coaster ride and you've rode it a hundred times. I don't know how you fell in love with me as you speak. I don't think i have anything nice for you to love. I'm not even close to the slightest nice; let alone perfect. You said I've hurt you. But dear, you hurt me too. Did you ever knew that? Every single blasted time you said that, i wanted to end it. You saying that is like.. You made me feel I'm not needed. That I'm just plain like that. You never made me feel special. We started too quickly and we ended soon enough. I know I've hurt you. I know I've done wrong. So here i apologize. An apology that you'll never see, never know, never hear,never miss. Two years it's been. We never made contact for two whole years. And I don't think i missed it. Then i remember what she said. How she said it. What you did. What you didn't do. How you played along with it like it was some kind of joke. How you care less or should i say never had a clue, how i felt about it. The topic was me. And you had a laugh. I think back and i realized how pathetic i was. How easily i trusted people. How easily I trusted YOU. Even though through all of this, I have to say thank you, and I have to give back all the 'I Love Yous' back to you. Thank you, for letting me realize that i needed to grow up. Thank you, for letting me see who you would become two years later. Thank you, for that moment i saw you sitting at the counter in the tuition center knowing you would never recognize me. Thank you for forgetting. Thank you for all the lies that made me stronger. Thank you for all the tears that made me think. Thank you for appearing in God's plan to pull me to reality.

Thank you for leaving us behind.