The Past.

Something made me clicked on you.. Wondering what they said were true.. I didn't. I was too scared to see that that was really you. Even though it's easy to confirm it was you, i didn't want to. I didn't want to remind myself who you were and what you said. I clicked on Febuary2009 and i went back there again. I've never came here reasoned i never had interest in these. Now i have, and so i do. I read it. Over and over and over again. All those you were saying, you were implying, was me. I'd never know you loved me so much. I'd never know you loved me that much. I made a vow not to fall in love because it always end up breaking. I saw the words. You knew what would happen. You knew we would never last. And yet you stayed. You kept that moment. You cherished it. You held it ever so tightly in your hands, afraid of losing it. Afraid that the day you Will lose will come. And all i did was the written opposite. A story loses something of each telling. Our story was told once. And it was gone. I now understand how disappointed you were. I now feel how broken it was for you. You kept telling me you love me. And my reply was always 'yeah la'. As if i was annoyed. I wasn't. Every time you said that, you can never see how i melt. In the matter of absolute fact, you could never see me. I acted naive as it was my first relationship. Me on the first roller coaster ride and you've rode it a hundred times. I don't know how you fell in love with me as you speak. I don't think i have anything nice for you to love. I'm not even close to the slightest nice; let alone perfect. You said I've hurt you. But dear, you hurt me too. Did you ever knew that? Every single blasted time you said that, i wanted to end it. You saying that is like.. You made me feel I'm not needed. That I'm just plain like that. You never made me feel special. We started too quickly and we ended soon enough. I know I've hurt you. I know I've done wrong. So here i apologize. An apology that you'll never see, never know, never hear,never miss. Two years it's been. We never made contact for two whole years. And I don't think i missed it. Then i remember what she said. How she said it. What you did. What you didn't do. How you played along with it like it was some kind of joke. How you care less or should i say never had a clue, how i felt about it. The topic was me. And you had a laugh. I think back and i realized how pathetic i was. How easily i trusted people. How easily I trusted YOU. Even though through all of this, I have to say thank you, and I have to give back all the 'I Love Yous' back to you. Thank you, for letting me realize that i needed to grow up. Thank you, for letting me see who you would become two years later. Thank you, for that moment i saw you sitting at the counter in the tuition center knowing you would never recognize me. Thank you for forgetting. Thank you for all the lies that made me stronger. Thank you for all the tears that made me think. Thank you for appearing in God's plan to pull me to reality.

Thank you for leaving us behind.