Someone.

He's back. Lucas' back. Am I supposed to be sad or angry for how he just opened the exit door and slammed my face? Am I supposed to be mad at him for just bringing me around the world and leave me in a foreign place while he goes back home?

Im not. I was happy, in fact, I was soooo happy that I almost cried.. He forgave me. He's still the one I trust. Still the one I loved.. I don't know if he knows but ever since he left, I cried a few times. More than the usual. I started writing notes to God for Him to protect him, to keep him safe, to be happy and continue living his life without my presence. I thought that if I'd left him too, he'd have a better life. I don't know if he did but now, he's back.

How long has it been? We parted at December. I remember so deeply, how much pain you felt, how you felt being lied to by me, how your fragile heart broke, how much I wanted to pick up the pieces. You done everything and made sure you didn't leave a trace of me with you. Your silence made me shout.

Here you are again, only just now you were back. I can't tell anyone just so suddenly and say, 'hey, he's back.' Just maybe they'll slowly see this. You just came out of nowhere. And there I was, just staring, tears dripping.

All should be back to normal but.. He's different.. Like the one I'm trying to forget now, he's changed. He's not that kiddy sportsy guy that loves to fool around anymore. He's not the guy who always talk a lot, just to have a conversation with me. He's not the guy that I tell my worries to anymore. And I think I'm going to go through the process again. When someone you love grows up and grows out of you, what do you do? Do I really have to go through the whole entire process again and just cry in the end cause I've lost someone I really loved again?

When would this routine end? Tell me when would it stop and just let everything go back to normal? Why does all these things keep repeating? Or have I just not learned a lesson from the first one that I have to re-live it again? I don't know. I really don't know anymore. I'm facing this all over again. I'm going to have my heart broken once again and I don't think I'll have the energy to even pick up my own shattered heart.

I just have a feeling that this will all happen once again. No one's going to be the same, everyone has to grow, and go.. Eventhough I'm not sure right now how to handle this akward situation between us , I mean we're not talking like we used to, I just hope that this ice thinned bond that's still left will not shatter.. That the string of memories will not break and soar with the wind.

If only everything could be just the way it used to be. If only time could stop. If only I'd made the right decisions. If only i didn't loved.

When we were apart, I heard a song from my favorite artist [ Taylor Swift ! xD] that meant so much to me. They say that the song was nice, very touching and all. Lucas and I parted in December. And I really regretted everything that I've done to hurt him. I love this song so much not just because it's really touching and sad, it's because the song had all the feelings I had, all the regrets I felt, all the exact things were written in that song. That's why I loved it so much. The first time I heard the song, it made me cry so hard, that I cried to sleep. Because it reminded me of him. If only I could turn back time, If only I could change everything. If only I can go back to December..