x)..

 ' Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to '
I read this online the other day and it really just wow-ed me. Then I thought, what if that someone hasn't even know that someone already gave him the power? What if that someone doesn't even have a clue that someone already planted their trust in them?

Then I thought again, how can he know?

I'm not sure if he knows. But something just tells me that he does. He did. And maybe he didn't want it. Or just maybe that he's trapped in the same way I am. No.. Why would he?..

I was sleeping at school today. Before I went to slumberland, I thought of him. Or i dreamt of him. Something like that, I don't remember. I 'saw' him coming into my class to call me out. He brought me down and asked me to help him get a gift for her. Then I woke up. Then I slept again. The same 'dream/thought' happened again, and I woke up again. It happened again. And altogether it happened 3 times. [ Yeah, teacher wasn't in. Sleeping is a great time-killer so yeah xP]

When I woke. I didn't want to sleep anymore. It's either cause my common sense kicked in and I remembered he's not from my school, or I just didn't want to see that joy in his face For Her. I'm selfish. Yeah I know. I should live as a fishmonger the rest of my life. But it just brought me that prickly feeling deep down. I felt like I was nothing but an obstacle that he has to pass, and live happily ever after. Not knowing that he's also an obstacle I have to pass but leaving me head- down in the dust.

He entered my life without notice, I noticed him not soon enough. He left with a grand farewell, leaving me to clean up the mess. Guess that's what I get?

I can't look him in the eye. The reason why I walk pass him, the reason why I ignore/ care-less is because I can't look him in the eye. I can't help the tears trying to burst out. I can't help looking through those beautiful eyes, knowing that those were the eyes I was hypnotized with, those were the eyes that brought me warmth. I can't help looking at those eyes and suddenly realizing that someone hypnotized it instead, that that warmth was from someone else's living.

He's changed. Maybe it's a sign for me that I have to change too. To organize my life better. To look out the window and see a new horizon. I got champion for my school's spelling bee competition for my grade. Maybe that's a start. That some fights are meant to fail, and some are meant to succeed.  My life is in God's hands. He's going to plan everything for me.

Sigh. I reaaaaaally hope that things would go right. No more thinking of the past memories but inventing new ones on the way.Maybe someday I could be free from his spell, and finally I could go free again.
Besides, schools that came in for badminton competition these past days has a lot of hot guys xD

LOL. Wish me luck !